Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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