i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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