Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Randomize
