Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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