He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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