tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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