don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
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Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
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I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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