Can i not drive my cunt home
She is in my trunk
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
