I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
