Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
