if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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