Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
