So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
