My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
