She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
