my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
