someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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