I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize