Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
