Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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