drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
