i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
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I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
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Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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