I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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