Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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