So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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