my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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