why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
