yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
