He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
