Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize