They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
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He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
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I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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