You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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