so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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