Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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