I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize