the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
