I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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