We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
