Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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