im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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