you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
