Me too!
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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