I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.