Texts From Last Night

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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?

  (325): View more from Texas

  Because you touch yourself at night.

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  (480): Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working? (325): Because you touch yourself at night. http://tfl.nu/lm5u
  Replies (14) Good night (3347) Bad night (1059)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.

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  (318): Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions. http://tfl.nu/wfb6
  Replies (15) Good night (3646) Bad night (846)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.

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  (817): just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing. http://tfl.nu/3pw8
  Replies (18) Good night (6022) Bad night (763)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.

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  (815): Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat. http://tfl.nu/tzy1
  Replies (15) Good night (4444) Bad night (1991)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.

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  (705): It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed. http://tfl.nu/ac0o
  Replies (16) Good night (1026) Bad night (6332)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.

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  (603): You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing. http://tfl.nu/vk7w
  Replies (6) Good night (4579) Bad night (1035)
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  (315): View more from New York

  careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....

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  (315): careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there.... http://tfl.nu/ypb5
  Replies (10) Good night (6412) Bad night (1587)
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  (562): View more from California

  Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas

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  (562): Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas http://tfl.nu/zcne
  Replies (7) Good night (3020) Bad night (971)
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  (716): View more from New York

  He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex

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  (716): He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex http://tfl.nu/jqzk
  Replies (5) Good night (2997) Bad night (1099)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.

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  (612): CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me. http://tfl.nu/rba5
  Replies (10) Good night (1778) Bad night (541)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.

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  (501): There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success. http://tfl.nu/8q5q
  Replies (4) Good night (1480) Bad night (436)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.

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  (303): I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG. http://tfl.nu/ltlv
  Replies (4) Good night (526) Bad night (708)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer

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  (419): I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer http://tfl.nu/ezfg
  Replies (2) Good night (939) Bad night (362)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess

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  (828): As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess http://tfl.nu/1a90
  Replies (8) Good night (718) Bad night (403)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.

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  (647): Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing. http://tfl.nu/usi8
  Replies (2) Good night (521) Bad night (197)

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