I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.