who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
