): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
