Ambien. No doubt about it.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
