needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Still dying that you shit outside
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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