but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
