I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
