hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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