Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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