Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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