Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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