Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
