i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
