could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
