It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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