So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
