she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He shit in the fireplace
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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