so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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