just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
