Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
