and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
