Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
