Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
